What I’m trying to say is, this weekend shun Mr Kellogg and go with me instead.

Hot smoked mackerel with beans and a fried egg

Like the Full English, it doesn’t really warrant a recipe. Buy mackerel, buy beans, buy eggs – make hot. You might want to remove the packaging  first, and in the case of the egg – crack it into some sort of pan – but that’s the only real guidance I can give you. And if you need that sort of help then presumably you’re reading a crumpled print out of this page, which somehow found its way under the stairs in your gran’s house, where you live. The thought of which leaves me with mixed feelings.

1. Happiness – that someone liked this post enough to print it.

2. Disappointment – that this Judas then decided, not only to crumple it up, but to ‘lose’ it in a weird place.

3. Pity – for you, because you actually live underneath the stairs at your gran’s house, and what’s more, think it’s perfectly acceptable to put a bag full of shopping directly into a hot oven.

There is of course a small chance that you’re a normal person, and you’re thinking, ‘they don’t look like ordinary baked beans’.

Actually, you’re right. I made those from a can of butter beans, a can of tomatoes, a clove of garlic, a teaspoon of mild curry power (always great with smoked fish, think kedgeree) and a splodge (13ml) of Reggae Reggae sauce – all cooked together until very thick.

Which is something, my eagled eyed reader, you quite plainly are not.