Pasta la vista.

Ask people the question “Why do you like to cook?” and you’ll get various answers. “Because it’s creative” is one. “I find it relaxing” is another. Some people will even admit to doing it because they like to “show off”. Nothing wrong with any of those, but there’s only really one reason why I spend any time in the kitchen at all: because I love to eat.

OK, sometimes I’ll be in the mood to create, and on those occasions I’ll happily shut myself away for a few hours to labour over something difficult involving galangal. Other times I really can’t be bothered, I just want delicious food, now. Is that too much to ask?

Well, no actually. Where I live, in Shepherd’s Bush, there’s a cornucopia (I’ve never written that word before; good name for a futuristic chiropodists) of amazing places to eat. Wonderful Thai (Esarn Kheaw), Damascene (Abu Zaad), pub food (The Princess Victoria), Polish (Patio), West Indian (Ochi), even amazing Eritrean (The Red Sea). And you wonder why I haven’t posted any recipes recently?

I have to say, though, magical as these places are, and strange as it might sound, I’ve actually started to miss my own cooking. So yesterday I promised myself I’d go home and make something from scratch.

Well that thought lasted about an hour. By the time I left work I just wasn’t in the mood for chopping, so I said to myself, “Sod it, I’ll try that Chinese on Uxbridge road”.

Is this all getting a bit too autobiographical? Should I really be giving you all this detail? You would tell me, wouldn’t you? It’s just I don’t want to turn into one of those bloggers who blithers on: “Oh, then I did this, and then I went to the shop and then I came home and you never guess what…” Yeah you’re right I’ll never guess what because I’ve just hanged myself.

Oh, fuck it, I’ll finish the story anyway. Basically, I accidentally walked straight past the Chinese (I was kind of joking before but this really is dull now) and I couldn’t be bothered to go back and find it, so I just picked up a chilli, a lemon and a bunch of parsley (like some kind of lone maverick) from the grocer near my house (am I really still typing?) and decided I’d just make something up when I got home (I think we’re in ‘renegade’ territory now) probably involving pasta (yes pasta, motherfucker!)

By the way, Oliver Stone, don’t even think about it, OK? I own the copyright to this shit, so forget you ever read it. If I get wind of some kind of Hollywood smash involving pasta and/or parsley and lemon I will come down on you like a tonne of bricks, whether you are involved or not, Oliver Stone. And I’m talking metric tonne which is heavier than an imperial ton so don’t start thinking, “A ton? that’s not too bad” either. Because it is; it’s very bad indeed.

Enough! The point I am trying to make is this: If you can’t be bothered to cook, cook the recipe below, because it’s an absolute piece of piss and it tastes really nice.

Maybe I’ll just write that next time.

Linguine with chilli, garlic, parsley and lemon

With a dish this simple, the quality of the pasta is very important. Don’t buy cheap, supermarket own-brand stuff for this. In fact, don’t buy cheap, supermarket own brand pasta, ever. Why? Firstly it tends to be really smooth-textured, so sauces don’t really stick to it. Second, the packet instructions are normally wrong, and leave you with something hopelessly overcooked. Lastly, good pasta is still a really cheap dinner. I normally buy De Cecco, in the blue and yellow packaging , it’s about £1.50 and it does about five portions. Good food doesn’t really get cheaper than that.

Ingredients

200 grams of linguine
Extra virgin olive oil
Sea salt
Half a lemon
2 cloves of garlic, finely chopped
1 large red chilli, de-seeded and finely chopped
2 handfuls of freshly grated Parmesan
2 handfuls of parsley, coarsely chopped

Method

Get the biggest saucepan you’ve got, fill it with water, and put it on to boil. Add a big pinch of sea salt, then, once it’s bubbling furiously, drop in your pasta.

When there’s six minutes to go, pour about two tablespoons of extra virgin into a small saucepan and put it on a medium heat. Now add your chopped garlic and chilli, along with another big pinch of sea salt. Stir and fry until the garlic is nice and brown, then take off the heat.

When the pasta’s done, drain it and return it to the big pan. Now add your fried garlic and chilli, and put the pan on a low heat. Chuck in your parsley together with a good squeeze of lemon, and mix. The lemon juice should combine with the oil to make a kind of dressing. If it looks a bit dry, add a little more olive oil.

Add a handful of your Parmesan and give one last mix.

Serve with the leftover Parmesan sprinkled on top. Like I say, piece of piss.

Tagged as: Pasta, piece of piss, where to eat in Shepherd's Bush