This is my first post. I have no idea what to say. Maybe I’ll say “nipple”. Maybe not. How exciting: the unknown.

I know, I’ll start off with a recipe.

Chorizo noodles with lettuce and egg

I’m a big fan of busting open a sausage and frying the insides to a crunchy gravel. I’m also a big fan of stir fried lettuce. Trust me; it’s good. Put the two together, add some noodles and a few other bobs and you’ve got yourself a hearty and intensely savoury dinner.

To make this you’ll need:

2 fresh chorizo sausages, skins removed.
Half a large carrot, cut into thin strips.
Half an onion, sliced.
6 leaves of cos lettuce, snapped up.
1 egg, beaten with a pinch of black pepper and a few dashes of sesame oil.
150 grams of cooked and cooled egg noodles.
2 tablespoons light soy mixed with 1 teaspoon of dark soy and a pinch of sugar.
1 teaspoon sesame oil and a handful roasted peanuts to serve.

Add the skinned chorizo to a smoking hot wok with a splash of vegetable oil to stop it sticking. Stir-fry on a high heat until it starts to crisp up, three minutes or so. Add the onion and keep everything moving.

When the onion is soft and the sausage looks nice and crunchy add the carrot and lettuce and mix. Now push the contents of the wok up to one side and add the beaten egg into the space you’ve made. Let it sit for ten seconds. Then scramble it. Once the egg is cooked mix it with everything else. If your carrot and lettuce char a bit while they’re waiting on the side of the wok, all the better.

Throw in the cooked noodles along with the soy sauce mixture. Keep stirring and frying until everything is evenly combined. Now turn off the heat and smatter your noodles with the sesame oil and peanuts.

Give one last stir and apply enthusiastically to the lower face.